i apologise if my my blog or smart goals progress might not be comfortable to the eyes of some readers, but it is what is happening in my family. My intention of sharing is not to show how bad my situation is. Frankly speaking , i love my life, i appreciate what god have given me,i could not ask for any better life, to me, these are just obstacles that i must 'tahan' and one day, it will be over. I love everybody in my family, i do not side anybody, but 1 thing for sure, other than suceeding in my education life,i have another responsibilty, to heal my family relationship, get back where we were well bonded together,when we could all communicate with each other , share our love, and have a sense of belonging in this house.
posted - 10:24 AM
My mum,me,my sis
A few moments later, my mother and my 2 sisters went to my room and sat around me. At first i thought they are going to lecture me of what had happen, but in the end , all of them cried in front of me. My sister , came to me and hugged me, she whispered to me this ‘’ thanks adik for standing up for me’’ ,adik means little brother in malay.Since that very moment, i realised that me and my father, the chances that we could share a relationship like other father and son, are slim. I know i have failed, as an achiever in my SMART goals, and also as a son.
posted - 7:52 AM
Even when i try to tell him in the nicest way as possible, he rose in anger and shouted at me that he is the man of the house and he doesn’t trust that my sister is working outside till late night. Even when he is shouting at me, i did not raise my voice and tried to answer in a proper manner.However, my patience did not last, he started to hit me in the head with his own fist . My mother was crying trying to stop us, but i just smiled to my mother and pushing her aside. My dad continued to hit me again but i still held my ground, at the same time , i was controlling my anger towards him. I just kept quiet while he kept shouting and hitting me at the temple of my head. After the third time he used violence against me, i felt that i had no choice, even if i surrendered this would never end. I was so angry at him that i clenched my fist and gave him a punch at his chest . I knew i should not have done it but i was so hurt , so angry to think about it. After that incident, my hands was shivering and i kept thinking what have i done. i just went back to my room and try to reflect what had happen.
posted - 7:40 AM
me and my 2nd sister
One of the worst cases was when my 2nd sister had to come home late from work. My father did not trust his daughter that she is out working but instead he confidently thinks that she was out there having fun without even investigating. What my father did was , he locked the door and left my sister sleeping at the doorstep. Even my mother was begging him to let my sister in as it is not safe to leave her outside all by herself. I was in my room when it all happened.i could not bear to see my mother cry so i went out to so speak to my father in the living room. I told him that he should not do all this to my sister who is tired working all day and now she is locked outside the house.
posted - 7:29 AM
Day by day, i watched as my father frequently reprimanding my sisters for no reason, in certain cases, even when he was in the wrong he wouldn’t admit it and instead blame it on others. He has this mindset that he is always right and we will have to listen to him and respect his decision as he is the head of the house.Eventhough i try my best to heal our relationship, together as a family, both my sisters said that they had enough of him and the best way is to ignore him and act as if he was invisible. Yet, i still try to communicate with my father and at the same time understand how my sisters feel, but whenever i try to talk to my dad and try to make him understand what my sisters feel, he will be angry and the conversation becomes an argument.
posted - 7:27 AM
My eldest sis, mum, my 2nd sis
What i do not understand is that the only victims in the house are my sisters. My father doesn’t seemed to be finding fault with me.Oftenly, whenever my sister are being scolded or beaten by my dad, me and my mother are just fixing eyes and ears as we cant do anything. If we were to interfere, my dad will be more angry and the outcome will worsen. Now, whenever my dad does whatever he does to my sister, our strategy is to let him talk , let him shout all he wants until he gets tired.
posted - 7:25 AM
After i learnt the reason, my true past with my father, i must now learn how to forgive him and also understand that all he did is for the family. Day by day, i try to start conversation with him and spend time with him like watching tv, having breakfast with him. Before he was retrenched, he was always doing his own business at home and not bothering me and my sisters . However ,things got worse when he lost his job. Fortunately, both sister has already started working . This was a turning point of our lives. Suddenly, we started to feel that we lost the ‘’dad’’ that we once loved. Whenever he is at home, he will always find something to bother my sisters. One of them is that he would enter their room and started to scold if the room is messy. He has to understand that both my sisters are busy with their work and does not have the time to do what he wants them to. Each time my father and one of the sister argue, there will be shoutings in the house or worse, my father would hit my sister with his bare hands.My father is the kind of person who expects the best of his children , he wants his children to be perfect. However , he did not realise that he himself isn’t perfect either, easy said nobody is, and whenever we try to tell him the things that we don’t like about him, he will become furious and disagree of our words.He always says that he is the head of the family and we al have to respect him, yes its true we do, but his doings make us respect him in fear and force not by love and willingness.
posted - 7:19 AM
My posts are not by weeks as some of these events happened in the same week and some weeks nothing happen, i apologize if my blog are not much of showing my progress , it is more of what is happening within these weeks.
During the first few weeks, i tried my best to have quality time with my dad. Whenever he is watching the television alone in the living room, i would accompany him instead of sticking to my laptop playing game in the room. It’s true that we did have some time together , however, i was still unable to have a father and son conversation with him.To me it was just too awkward. Partly , it is my fault. So what i actually did was, to ask my mother for any advices to overcome this problem. Before she gave me her advices, she explained to me the actual reason why am i not much bonded with my father and why are we unable to communicate. The main reason is, when i was young, during the period when i was depending on a father to guide me ,teach me how to grow as a boy, he was not there for me.During those years, he was working in the overseas, in many different countries like japan , Russia and other huge countries.He left me alone , the only male in the house , thus all i could do, is watch what my elder sisters do. I was not exposed to boys activities like soccer , instead , i was more of doing girly stuff that i do not wish to share...
posted - 7:00 AM
My name is ..AHMAD NIZAM
My birthday is 23 march 1992
My RACE is MELAYU!!!!!
I made tis blog for my SMART goals assignment
The 1st goal that i have chosen is.... to get closer to my family members
espicially my dad who is also a malayU.
In my family... we do have alot of conversations.... BUT!!!!!! Me and my other 2 sisters.
we tend to be more comfortable to speaking with our mother..WHO!!! is ALSO!! a MALAYU!!
It is not that we love our mother more than our father... Its just that our mother tend to trust us more than our father do... that is THE WHY.. we are more comfortable with our mother....
SPECIFIC: To have a true malay father-son relationship.
Measurable:???? Maybe he will give me more allowance??
Achievable: I need to be a good obidient boy . Who always helps my mother and father.
For example my 5 times a day prayers, my homechores,my homework,my looks(no link).
Relevant: With this, i have paid my debt to my parents who have taken care of me for 17 years and still coming(i hope). As a son, it is only right to make our parents proud , happy, joyful, n SATISFIED.
Time referenced:After meals i will try to think of a topic to get my family to speak to one another.to share each other's problem.AND to support each other.. And you want to know why??? BECOZ ITS IS WAD MALAY FAMILIES DO!!!!
2nd GOAL: To score normally in every subject
The moment i ferst stepped into NYP... i was confident that i can make it through ..
If i can put my heart n soul ... n suceed in my O lvls...i am sure i can make it through to get my diploma.HOWEVER!!!!... THE very moment i sat for the ferst lesson..( to be specific) A MATHS!!!! i knew at that very moment .. my life is SCREWED!!!SCREWED I TELL YA!!!
Specific: to catch up with my classmates.As i know it is unlikely i can excel better than those who already have an A maths background.
Measurable: actually.. honest speaking.. i don't know how to count the GPA..
Achievable:I must sit beside someone who can guide me ... for example..the teacher or lecturer.
Relevant:With this i can achieve my Diploma.. YAHOO!!!AND... i believe that me and my friend CX( future band player) can someday step into UNI!!!
Time referenced: Everytime i dont understand some things( usually EVERYTHING) i will not delay and i will figure it out on the spot even if the answer is at the world's end. I must also practise with my study tutor aylwin( hopefully he is patient enough to teach me as i do not absorb information like a sponge)
posted - 7:55 AM